Sunday, January 28, 2007

I'm not a Chuck Norris fanatic...but...

It has been a long time since my last post and I apologize (especially to my good friend Lyndo who MADE me blog). I am in 17 credit hours this semester and it takes up a lot of time. I am also in the beginning of the competitve season for college dance teams - Nationals is the first week of April - and putting together our routine is so stressful. I could blog all about that stress...but I want to blog about something funnier.

For some reason that I am trying to still figure out, Americans seem to be obsessed with the CHUCKSTER. Yes...Chuck Norris. His little cameo in "Dodgeball" stole the movie. He put up a thumb...ONE THUMB...and everyone freaked out. So in honor of this American obsession...I have compiled a list of Chuck Norris jokes. I am not going to take credit for these...my good friend Robert sent them to me one night and I thought they were hilarious. I know any Chuck Norris fans will love them too. Even if you are not a fan...they're still pretty humorous.

1. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

2. Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

3. Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

4. Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

5. The movie Anaconda was filmed in Chuck Norris' pants.

6. Chuck Norris had a paper route when he was younger; there were no survivors

7. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

8. Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

9. Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

10. Chuck Norris was originally offered the role as Frodo in Lord of the Rings. He declined because, "Only a pussy would need three movies to destroy a piece of jewelery."

11. The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.

12. When God said, "Let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say please."

13. We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, "Please don't kill me." Too bad Chuck Norris doesn't believe in magic.

14. Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Chuck Norris.

15. Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murdered in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.

16. When Superman squeezes a lump of coal, he creates a diamond. When Chuck Norris squeezes a lump of coal, he creates an African child to work in his diamond mines.

17. Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."

18. We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.

19. Chuck Norris is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Norris claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his penis.


I hope that all of you enjoy these jokes. If some are politically incorrect I apologize...it's all in good fun!

xoxoxoxo,
Elizabeth

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